Mine, Not Hers

 

Jason is gone tonight. We’ve tried so hard over the years to keep true to our promise to not be apart for too long. One of the great things about Jason’s line of work is that there is usually no travel involved. He’s had conferences or meetings away before, but I’ve either gone with him while my parents watched the kids, or we brought them along. He’s almost always the only person with a spouse along, but he insists. He loves having me with him, and I love it too.

He’s traveling with one of his patients to see a surgeon in New York. The appointment is tomorrow morning and they’ll fly back in the evening. He’s been pretty quiet about the whole thing. It’s really bothering him because he knows that it would be unprofessional to have me along. He’s such a softy.

I will admit to one thing: My imagination is getting the better of me. This house seems creepy to me all of a sudden. Because of the age of the house, we often joke about it being haunted. Even though it’s been remodeled it still creaks like any old house. I put the kids to bed and can’t seem to settle myself. I make a cup of tea and call Melanie. As luck would have it, her sister-in-law is in for a visit and offers to watch the boys so she can come over.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I know it seems stupid, especially since your husband travels so much. I’ve never been alone overnight before. Can you believe it? I’m almost forty years old, and have to call my friend over!”

I’m shaking and giggling while pouring us large glasses of chilled white wine. Jason occasionally has a glass of wine these days, too; Dr. Parks turned him on to it. He has become quite the connoisseur, and keeps some bottles in the office to enjoy after hours. Jason still isn’t a big drinker, but we usually have wine around. My tolerance for drinking is about the same as it was in high school. Hopefully this will help calm my nerves.

“Ah, Melanie. You are such a good friend to me.”

I can feel myself trying to get the words out without slurring, but I don’t think it’s working. I can’t even handle large, maybe two large, glasses of wine. Melanie laughs, she’s not even a little tipsy, and she’s had three.

“Girl, if Jason saw you right now, I don’t think he’d be very happy,” she says with a muffled giggle.

Melanie and Jason don’t get along well. I would say they tolerate each other, at best. He doesn’t respect her marriage or how she got into it, so he doesn’t respect her. If Jason doesn’t respect a person, he’ll usually know it. She jokes to me that he’s too good looking: Can’t trust guys like that, she says. Since Melanie’s husband is rarely around, we usually see each other when the guys aren’t home. I wish she and Jason could be closer.

Jason, oh yeah, he’s not coming home tonight. I almost forgot! I’m having too much fun,” I say, digging through the fridge for something to eat. “Are you hungry?” I ask Melanie.

“Here, I’ll do that.”

She grabs the cheese and hummus out of my hands, and makes a platter for us. She finds some herb crackers and olives, and arranges everything like she’s having a dinner party. I realize I haven’t eaten dinner, and this will help me not feel as bad in the morning. I dig in, while she stands and watches.

“Are you happy?” she asks, out of the blue. I think she’s talking about the food.

“Yeah, this is great. I really needed something to eat.”

She laughs. “I mean in your marriage. You don’t seem to talk about it very often, and I just wondered,” she said.

That came from nowhere. Jason and I have always been the couple. No one has ever asked me that before. I just thought it was obvious that we were happy.

“Of course! I guess we’ve been together so long that I don’t think about whether I’m happy or not. I just am. Jason has been my soulmate since we first laid eyes on each other. I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

“Well, that’s an easy answer,” she tilts her head and looks me square in the face. “I’m not buying in it. Think about your life and your relationship. Is it everything you thought it would be? I’m not doubting yours, but I’m feeling stuck with Chris, and I just don’t know what to do.”

I didn’t see that one coming either. Granted, she and Chris didn’t exactly start their relationship on the best of terms, but I thought she made it work somehow. I thought it was enough for her.

“I want the fairy tale. I’ve never had anything close to what you and Jason have. He looks at you with such adoration. I’m sure you’re used to it, but it’s made me rethink a lot of my decisions.”

Listening to her speak about Jason makes me miss him. I feel like I’m going to cry. I look at the time, 9:45 p.m., that’s 10:45 p.m. New York time. He should be up and in his room. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, while Melanie puts on a movie for us. I try to call his cell phone, but he doesn’t answer. I go to get mine from my purse so I can text him instead. I see I have two missed calls, both from him, the last one ten minutes ago. He left a message: Hi, honey. We made it in fine, but we hit the ground running. I’ve met with some potential clients, and now we’re headed out for a late dinner. I left my phone charger at home, so I may not be able to talk to you before I get in tomorrow night. I love you, kiss the kids.

I must have just missed him. I have such an empty feeling not talking to him. I shrug off the feeling, and try to get back into ”girl’s night” with Melanie.

“Did you talk to him?” She smiles at me when I walk in the room.

“No, I guess my ringer was off when he tried to call. He’s out to dinner.”

I’ve always selfishly seen myself at the center of Jason’s existence. It feels weird to think of him in a strange city having dinner with people I’ve never met. I’ve lived a pretty sheltered existence. Melanie’s snoring wakes me up. The television is still on; we must have both fallen asleep watching the movie. The cable box says that it’s 2:43 a.m. I hope she let her sister-in-law know she was staying over. I feel better after my little nap and a snack. I cover Melanie back up with the blanket that has fallen off her legs. She rolls to her side and continues to snore. I turn off the TV, and the lights from the living room. I peek in to check on the kids, and they’re both sleeping soundly. The house is quiet.

I head into our bedroom, and turn on the bedside lamp. We have a massive king-sized bed with an overstuffed mattress. The soft periwinkle sheets are cold. Jason’s body heat usually warms the entire bed before I get in. I kick the sheets with my feet to try to warm them up. I try to read to put myself back to sleep, but I can’t stay focused. I’m trying to picture Jason where he is. What does the bed look like, is he asleep or awake? I want to call him, but I know his phone won’t be on, and I don’t even know where he’s staying. Now I feel agitated. It’s unsettling to think that I can’t talk to him, even if I had an emergency. Stupid cellphones. We are so dependent on them that I didn’t even think to ask which hotel he was staying in. Now I really can’t sleep. My head is buzzing with too many thoughts. If Jason were here, I’d snuggle up to his warm back under the covers and drift off. Of course, if he were here, I wouldn’t be up driving myself crazy.

I lie on my back, and try to picture his face. His beautiful eyes, his long muscular torso, his lean strong legs and arms. I keep my eyes closed, and my hands drift down my body. I have Jason’s beautiful face in mind, and imagine his large hands on my breasts. I knead them the same way he does, firmly, yet gentle, when he teases my nipples. I roll them between my fingers like he does. I’ve only touched myself like this in front of him: He gets turned on watching me. This is the first time I’ve done it while just thinking about him, and I like it. My nipples are hard from the fantasy that’s playing in my head. My skin is heating up and beginning to glisten. I wonder if Jason is doing the same thing while thinking about me. I make a mental note to ask him.

My hand slides down my belly to my panties. To my surprise, I can feel the heat radiating from my crotch the closer I get. I slip one hand in my underwear. I’m soaking wet. I’ve never made myself come alone before, but I’m thinking I can. I’m aroused thinking of Jason, away doing the same thing. I let one finger slide into the wetness. I slowly move it around while stroking my clit with my thumb. I’m imitating the moves the Jason uses, and they work. He knows my body, better than I do, and it responds for him every time. I decide to enlist some assistance. We have a small box of toys in our bedside drawer.

He and I were shopping online one night, and I let him choose some things that looked fun. Actually, they looked scary to me, but turned out to be a lot of fun. I’ve only used these when we’re together. He loves to use the realistic dildo on me. He says it turns him on and drives him crazy to see another dick other than his in me.

I suddenly remember that I have a houseguest.

I stop and listen intently, only to hear her snoring even louder than before. I hop up quickly to secure the door lock. I snuggle back into my warm spot, and lube up my plastic friend. I close my eyes, and picture Jason with his hands on himself. I slowly insert the dick-shaped toy into my warm slit and turn it on. I respond instantly to the assault on my G-spot. I grind my hips along with the rhythm of the twisting; Jason’s face is in my mind staring at me. He is so hot, even after all these years; he’s my fantasy man. I squeeze my breast, and pinch my nipple hard, just like he does. I’m picturing his large member in his hand, stroking himself while watching me. I should be taping this; he would love it.

I’m almost in a dream state. I’m tired, but so aroused by what I’m doing to myself. I’m imagining his beautiful face smiling and a bit contorted from his masturbation. My imagination starts to wander a bit, and I see a woman sucking his dick on a hotel bed. He’s looking at me with a look of sheer pleasure on his face. He has his hands knotted in her hair, pulling her head up and down the length of his hardness. I can’t see her face, just an imaginary woman pleasuring my husband. I come quickly, almost in the same moment I had this vision. I’m white hot, and writhing with the dildo jerking inside me. I’m unaware of my surroundings until I hear loud snoring. Crap! I keep forgetting she’s still here. I lie still for a few moments to allow my breathing to settle back into normal rhythm.

I shiver a little; I’ve been sweating. The ceiling fan in the room has caught some bare skin, and I’m freezing. I run to the bathroom and clean myself and my “lover.” I hurriedly get back into bed to warm up. When my heart rate slows down, I reassess what I saw in my fantasy. I have never thought about Jason with another woman before. I can’t believe how quickly and violently it made me come, just the image in my head. I know if I don’t get to sleep soon, I’ll be a wreck tomorrow. I peek at the clock: 4:15 a.m. Oh no. I close my eyes and try to think about anything other than Jason and that other woman.

When the alarm goes off at six, I’m not as tired as I should be. I’ve had less than two hours sleep yet somehow feel refreshed. I smile, thinking of how brazen I was last night. Amazing how a great orgasm can help you sleep. I get the kids up for school, and see that Melanie has left already. I’m sure I’ll get a call this morning, but for now I’m grateful for the silence. Like clockwork, she calls as soon as the school bus pulls away.

“How are you this morning?” She sounds perkier than she should, snoring the way she does.

“I’m OK. Thanks for coming over last night. I’m sorry we fell asleep. Your kids OK?”

“Oh yeah, Beth got them up and fed them so I could sleep a little. I’m sorry if I dumped on you last night. I’ve just been feeling a little sorry for myself lately.”

Her tone changed, and she sounds sad.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. We all go through some tough times.”

I lied. Jason and I have never had hard times. I really can’t relate. I can’t fathom waking up every morning not in love with the person next to me. It must be hell on earth. We chat for a while longer, and I tell her I’ll see her later. After I clean up, I lie down on the couch for a quick snooze. A crushing fatigue washes over me, but Jason gets home tonight. I don’t want to be falling asleep on him later.

I have a dream about Jason. He is trying to speak to me, but I can’t hear him. I feel as if I’m wearing headphones that are blocking out the noise. He is saying something, and he’s laughing. I’m trying to talk back, but I don’t think he can hear me. He looks so handsome. He’s still smiling and is slowly unbuttoning his shirt. His hard abs flex as he pulls his shirt off.  He reaches for his belt and, out of nowhere, a woman’s hand reaches around his waist from behind. She grabs his belt, and quickly unbuckles it and unfastens his pants. All I can see are two delicately manicured hands pulling his jeans down.

He is still smiling, but is no longer looking at me. His eyes are closed and his head is tilted back. He’s moaning. Her hands reach into his briefs and slowly pull them down, exposing his erection. Her hands clasp around his thick member, and squeeze. He is in ecstasy. She is stroking him slowly. He bites his lip and moves his hips to encourage her to continue. He opens his eyes to look at me, and his eyes are hot. His pupils are dilated, and he’s grunting. He looks like a caged animal.

He gives me a wicked smile, and then turns to face whomever the hands belong. I see a mass of dark hair moving up and down in front of his crotch. He turns slightly so I have a better view. She is sucking him. Her hands are squeezing his ass, and she has all of him in her mouth. He is roughly grabbing her by the hair and fucking her mouth. I can’t see a face, just a beautiful naked body, and long, dark hair. I begin to cry, but he doesn’t seem to hear me. I’m frozen in place, forced to watch my husband in the throws of passion with a stranger. I’m aroused and violently upset at the same time. I feel like I’m watching a car crash in slow motion; I can’t seem to turn away. He pulls out of her mouth, and stands her up. He swiftly turns her around and bends her over. He slaps her hard on the ass, then grasps her hips and forcefully slams into her.

He is fucking her hard, and she loves it. She’s moaning loudly and it makes him pump even faster. He looks at me, and gives me a wink. How could he do this to me? I feel like I’m screaming, but its only silence when I open my mouth. He pulls out, and shoots his warm juice all over her back and rear. He gives her another hard slap on her naked ass, and the sound shakes me. I wake up with a start. A magazine slipped off the table, and that must have been the sound that woke me up. I’m sweating, and more than just a little bit aroused.

I’ve been sleeping for three hours. Shit. The kids will be home soon. What is happening to me? That’s the second time in twelve hours that I have “watched” my husband with some fantasy woman. Is it all the talk with Melanie? Her stories of her infidelity and her questioning her marriage might have sunk into my subconscious. I have never been the jealous type with Jason. I have unconditional trust in him and his commitment to our marriage. I feel a nagging pull in my chest. Even though I’m aware that I’m awake, I still feel stuck in my dream.

I’ve straightened the same stack of magazines four times. It was such a stupid dream, but it felt so real. I feel hurt and shocked to see Jason in such an intimate way with someone else. I realize that it’s irrational to be angry with him, but I just can’t help it. I’ve never understood how a person could cheat on a spouse. Melanie is the only person I’ve ever known who’s had an affair. Granted, she was the mistress, but she still had a hand in breaking up a marriage. She’s mentioned before that she’s almost sure Chris sleeps around when he’s on the road. His shirts have smelled like women’s perfume on more than one occasion when she’s unpacked his suitcase. It’s almost as if he doesn’t care if she finds out. I’m sure she feels that if he did it with her, he will do it with someone else.

I haven’t heard from Jason since last night’s message. That may also be where some of my insecurity is coming from. His flight gets in around eight. I’ll see if the kids can sleep over at friends’ houses so he and I can have some quiet time. They can have Daddy in the morning; tonight, he’s all mine.  If I know Jason, he’ll be all over me within minutes of walking in the door.

After I get the kids settled at their destinations, I decide to take a hot shower. The water feels magnificent. I use my good salon shampoo, which smells like strawberries, he likes that one. I carefully shave my legs, and everywhere else. I’ve only done that once, and Jason loved it. I’ve been too nervous to wax, and keeping it shaved seems like a hassle. I buff my body with a citrus body scrub. It smells like sweet oranges. Great, I’m going to be as sexy as a fruit salad! That makes me laugh. It feels so good to laugh; I’ve been tense all day because of my silly dream.

I put the finishing touches on my make-up and hair. I have it down cascading around my shoulders, which is Jason’s favorite. Whenever I have it up in a ponytail, he walks by and pulls it out. He loves my hair. I throw on a clingy knit dress that shows some curves. Since having the kids, I have a few now and I’m thankful. I no longer have the figure of an eight-year-old boy, even though I’m the height of one. I find some sky-high sling-back heels that I know he will love. Of course, I can’t do anything but sit in them or I’ll go tumbling. It’s now 8:30 p.m., so I sit and wait.

I jump out of my seat when I hear a door slam, I must have dozed off again. I hear Jason’s voice, and at first I think he’s talking to me. I stand and he notices me when he walks in the room. He does an appreciative double take at my outfit, but he’s talking to someone on his cell, and holds up a finger to tell me to wait.

“Yeah, looks bad. The surgeon wants to reevaluate in three weeks. I’m not sure, I’ll have to get back to you.”

He turns off the phone and tosses it on the couch. I’m still standing in the same spot I was in when he came in. I was expecting him to come home, express his undying love and whisk me off to the bedroom, telling me how much he missed me. Well, maybe not quite all that, but certainly not the finger to be quiet.

“Hi, honey. Where are the kids?”

He says as he’s looking around.

“I sent them to friends’ houses. I thought you may be tired, and we could be alone.”

With that news, he walks over to me. He gives me a sweet hug, and a kiss on the cheek. He plops down on the couch and pats the seat for me to join him.

“That’s great, because I’m exhausted.”

He closes his eyes, and puts his head back on the couch.

“Are you hungry? I made some food, I wasn’t sure when you would be home. I assumed your cell was dead after your message last night. Why didn’t you call me?”

Without opening his eyes, he says, “Oh, I borrowed a charger at the airport. Been on the phone with agents and team doctors. I’m sorry.”

I know I’m a bit paranoid since my imagination has gotten the better of me lately, but something seems off. I twist my fingers together as I watch him rest. He must sense something because his head turns toward me.

“I’m sorry, Katie. I did miss you. It was weird being in bed alone. How was your night?”

I take this opportunity to throw my freshly shaven legs on his lap, and show off my sexy heels.

“Oh, it was fine. Melanie came over and kept me company.”

He looks as if he’s going to take the bait. He caresses my smooth legs up and down, and stops on my thigh just under my dress. I hear snoring; he’s out like a light. Maybe it’s me, and my company. I put people out like ether. I take things into my own hands. Tired or not, I know my husband, it doesn’t take much. I climb onto his lap with my legs straddling his hips. This is my favorite position because we’re eye to eye. I start nuzzling his chin and I feel his little five o’clock shadow. He looks so sexy it’s ridiculous. His broad shoulders, his thick shiny hair and now the sexy stubble. I graze his jawline with my teeth and tongue. When I reach his ear, I moan quietly, which does the trick. His eyes pop open and he stares at me. He has the same dark look on his face that he had in my dream. A pang of jealousy hits me unexpectedly in the gut. He must have noticed my expression, and now he looks serious.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

I feel so stupid.

“Nothing. I had a silly dream about you while you were away.”

“What was it? Did I die?” He smiles.

“No, no, nothing like that.” I’m blushing now, my face feels red hot.

“Oh, so it was that kind of dream. Nice, what did we do?” He wiggles his eyebrows, and begins to kiss my neck. Now I feel even sillier.

“Well, it wasn’t us, it was you. And another woman.”

His eyes get bigger, and he looks interested to hear more. “Really? You want to elaborate?”

He continues to kiss my neck, and his hands are making their way south to my breasts. He’s humming against my skin, and it’s arousing.

“Come on, tell me about it. How bad was I?”

A strange pang of jealousy mixed with anger bubbles up. “Really? Do you find it funny that you were cheating on me?” I blurt out.

He stops his nuzzling, and looks at me like I have three heads.

“What? Are you serious? You dreamt it, Katie. I was a good boy on the road. Please tell me you’re not going to begin to distrust me when I have to travel. It’s certain that I’m going to have some trips coming up, and believe me, in my line of work I see a lot of guys who are married who have multiple girlfriends. I don’t know how or why they do it. You’re all I need, baby. You’re my reason for living, you know that.”

His eyes are dark, and he’s deadly serious. “I also know that it only takes a seed of doubt to make both our lives hell. You have to know how much I missed you. It’s like someone chopped off my right arm. I felt off the whole time I was gone.”

He looks at me with drowsy eyes that plead to stop the drama. He’s right; this is so ridiculous. It was just a dream, but it felt so real. The feeling is hard to shake.

“I’m sorry, honey. I just missed you so much, and it was crazy how real my dreams felt. I even had an orgasm in one.”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen him open his eyes that wide. He’s really turned on.

“Really?” He looks like a child on Christmas morning. “I need every last detail. Now.” He stands, grabs my hand, and leads me toward our bedroom.

“Are you hungry first? I did make some food.”

“Are you kidding? Fuck the food.” He has a burning look in his eyes like he could set my dress on fire with a glance. “I’m sorry for being distracted when I came in. I’m totally focused now.” He sets me down on the side of the bed. He lifts one leg and holds my foot clad with my sexy stiletto.

“These have to stay on,” he whispers in a gruff voice. His hands travel up the length of my calf, and he pauses to slowly massage the muscle. He leans down and runs his tongue ever so lightly up my calf and behind my knee. Oh my God. I shiver; every nerve in my body is awake. I run my fingers through his hair and gently, but firmly tug on it. He groans. He continues his slow assault on my nervous system. Just the tips of his fingers lightly caress my thighs. He teases my skin from my knee up to my panty line, and back down. He is worshipping my body.

His tongue joins in once again. His fingers are on the outside of my thighs, and his tongue is zigzagging both of my inner thighs. I’m melting. I lie back to take the sensation more fully. He’s taking his time with me. He makes sex different every time, even after all these years of marriage. He is gifted, and I have been the lucky recipient.

He trails his tongue down to my panties. I’m surprised they haven’t burned off my body by spontaneous combustion. He licks over the top and around the sides of the lacy material. He grasps them with his teeth playfully and lets them snap back. He is really enjoying this. He takes them by the sides, and slowly peels them down my legs. He stands to take off his belt and unbutton his dress pants. His erection is tenting the soft material, and it’s impressive. I take my cue, and sit up to unzip his pants. He stops me. What? He’s never done that before. He shakes his head.

“I want you to show me how you came while you were dreaming. Were you touching yourself?”

He is rubbing his cock through his pants. It makes my mouth water. I answer his question without words. I slowly let my hand travel down to my wetness. I massage my clitoris and feel like I could come in an instant by watching him watch me. He is about to burst through his pants. I hear him unzip, and he hurriedly removes them and tosses them to the floor. He kneels down between my legs to get a closer view. He’s doing his throaty hum that drives me wild. I brazenly spread my legs to give him the best view.

“I used my dildo to help me come last night. Do you want to watch?”

“Oh yeah,” his voice cracks.

He sees that I’m clean-shaven and he groans like he’s in pain. I take my toy out of the bedside drawer, and turn it on. No need for lube, I am drenched. I pull him up to standing, and put the vibration under his balls. He shivers at first at the wonderful sensation, and lets out a loud moan. His cock looks as if it will burst through the skin, it’s so large. I can’t help but put it in my mouth. I taste his warm saltiness, and the smooth skin surrounding this piece of pure granite. I am aching now for him to be inside me. I lie back down and bring the dildo up to the entrance to my vagina. I slowly insert the tip while he watches and he’s speechless.

“Beautiful,” he says quietly.

I motion for him to lie on top of me. His erection hurts lying on my stomach, he’s so hard. I place the toy between us and he groans once more. He grinds against me as we both feel the sensation from the vibration. I feel myself rising, about to come and he senses it as well and stops moving.

“No, I need to do that.”

He sits up and tosses the vibrator aside. I can still hear it buzzing. He lies back down on top of me, and slowly enters my slit.

“You’re so hot and wet. God, Katie,” he’s not really saying it to me, but almost as an admission of surrender to the pleasure. I am swollen with lust, and I feel tight when he enters me. Almost like our first time. We find a perfect rhythm, not too fast, not too slow, just right. He looks into my eyes and pauses. “I could only ever be with you, baby. Do you feel how perfect we are? Feel how my dick fills up your sweet pussy. That’s all I ever want.”

Those words push me quickly over the edge and I come. I’m shaking and clenching around him as he continues his stroking.

“That’s it, baby. I feel you coming. I’m not ready yet, you feel too good.”

The more he pumps, the more I swell. I am so tight around his cock, I think I’ll come again before he does. I feel myself start to rise once again, but before I do, he pulls himself out and flips me over onto my stomach.

“I want to come on your sweet ass.” I feel him shower me with his warm liquid. He grabs my cheeks hard and massages it into me. He lies down on his side, and pulls me into him, his front to my sticky back. He reaches around and rubs my clit. I come fast since I was on the edge before. He always seems to know what I need without my even saying so.

“Was that as good as when you were by yourself?”

I can tell he’s smiling.

As we lie there in post-coital relaxation, my dream comes flooding back to me. He turned the strange woman around and came on her back.  Whoa, that’s weird. I feel a nasty little jealousy pang try to rise up, and I do everything I can to ignore it. I can’t obsess about a stupid dream anymore.

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